We Are The Lovings

Well, not always, but we try!

Extended Family

on September 26, 2013

Our son, Lucas (aka King Kong) was adopted through an open adoption.  Let me just tell you that if someone had told me 5 years ago we would do an open adoption, I would have listed the 100 reasons why I never, ever would do an open adoption.  Ever.  Not me.  Too scared.  Yea, well, never say never.

The opportunity to do an open adoption literally fell in our laps.  We adopted Grace in 2004 at 15 months old from Ukraine.  Since probably 2006 we have been trying to adopt again.  Many, many wrong roads and missteps along the way.  The international adoption road was very, very different from when we adopted Grace.  The choices were different.  Americans were no longer seen as desirable as adoptive parents.  We started in Guatemala, which shortly before we were to submit our paperwork, closed due to allegations of baby selling.  Then we decided to go back to Ukraine.  The rules had all changed.  We had to start over.  We were ready to adopt an older child.  But God has a sense of humor.

In my heart, I wanted a baby, a newborn.  I never had the birth experience, never took care of a newborn.  I just wanted to do it.  I have many friends who are adoptive parents but I also have many friends who get pregnant very easily.  It seemed to me that everyone had a baby but me.  It became a quiet pain.  I had Grace, we were adopting again.  But I never quite let go of it.  Having Grace was like going from 0 to 100 in a day.  (If you know Grace, you know what I mean.)  Totally worth it but still…

Amazingly, God heard my heart.  I had given up praying about it.  I just prayed for another child, for whatever God’s will was.  I figured at 47, I wasn’t gonna get a baby, I should just shut up and accept the path He had given us.  Then, He got funny.  We met Anna in October of 2011.  Her sister is the neighbor of a friend of mine.  I spoke to my friend.   Sure, I’ll meet them.  No, I didn’t think it would EVER work out.  Long story short, we met Anna and her sister towards the end of October.  We hit it off immediately.  We loved her.  And apparently, she loved us.  (Can you hear the angels singing??)

Fast forward 2 1/2 months.  Lucas is born on Epiphany.  See, isn’t God hilarious?  We get to be in the delivery room.  I’m at the business end of everything.  Aside from sheer joy and total panic, my only thought was “just don’t faint, just don’t faint…”.  He is perfect.  She is happy, nursing him.  OMG!  I tried to quell my panic as the time for their release drew nearer.  It was hard, heart wrenching but she did it.  She is stronger than I could ever be in that situation.  We said our goodbyes and our ‘I love yous’ and we took our new son home.  Both attorneys said they had never seen such an amicable and loving (no pun intended) adoption.  We have a good relationship, I am very fond of her.  She is in NYC trying to get her career off the ground.

The point of this post was not to relive Lucas’ birth but to share the events of this past summer.   I have remained close to Anna’s sister, my original point of contact.  She called called me this summer to say her mother from Venezuela was visiting for 3 weeks.  I immediately invited them over for coffee.  Of course, I wanted her to meet her grandson! Many of you may be shaking your heads, saying I’m nuts.  It is weird, but we are trying hard not to make it complicated.  It is important to us that Lucas know his extended family. He will call Anna’s sister “Tia” and her mother will be “Abuela”.  We have seen Anna’s father a few times (they are divorced) and he calls Lucas “Lucito”.  I wasn’t quite prepared for how emotional the visit would be.

They arrived and she hugged me with tears in her eyes.  Lucas charmed her immediately.  (Aren’t kids amazing that way?)  It was a lovely visit.  I think the reality of the moment hit her when they were leaving.  She broke down.  She was against the adoption.  You are lovely people, she said, very kind, but this is my grandson.  Wow.  I had nothing.  I tried to understand.  It was a very bizarre feeling, seeing her pain but knowing our complete joy in having him.  I told her our door was always open to Anna, to her and her family.  I wanted her to visit when she came to the US.  I wanted him to know her.  It was very hard for me, I can only imagine how hard it was for her.

I have thought a lot about that day, wondering if it will get weirder as Lucas gets older.  I hope it doesn’t.  I think sometimes we complicate things that don’t need to be complicated.




2 responses to “Extended Family

  1. Nancy says:

    A beautiful entry Susan. I know God had a plan for you, Lucas and all of the family. You are a very loving mom and friend. No pun intended!! 🙂

  2. Stephanie says:

    Beautiful post, Susan. You are handling everything so gracefully. Lucas is indeed a blessing!! : )

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